1. The not-so-festive drivers.
You know who they are; they come out of the woodwork at the start of December to clutter and wreak havoc on the roads. Yes, that’s them, the ones who drive slower than I can crawl backwards, whose indicators have disappeared into Narnia, and randomly cut across lanes with utter oblivion to anyone else … and, oh yes, those who drive the wrong way up one way streets. And don’t even get me started on the blood-boiling issue of parking – the lack of, the cost of and those people of pure evil who load up their shopping into their car before getting in and … just sitting there!!! What the hell is with that?? You’ve done your shopping, GO HOME!
2. Sales ‘Assistants’.
Yep, they’re either there in their millions, in your face every six seconds or – when you actually DO want assistance, they are nowhere to be found. Useless, really, just useless. Not worth any more words.
3. The bank balance plummet.
Why is it that we are forced to return again and again and again to the ATM (where there is always a ridiculous queue of people who have apparently never before seen an ATM in their lives) for more cash to spend on other people??? Every time I make another withdrawal I think longingly of France, or a beach house or various other things I’d much rather be spending my hard-earned cash on. But no, it’s all for the love of others, so they can get that special present that – if not unappreciated – will no doubt be lost, forgotten or broken within two weeks anyway. Hmph!
4. Fellow ‘Shoppers’.
The height of heinousness. They dawdle in front of you, they bump into you, they get in line ahead of you … I imagine there is some whacked out crazy scientist out there who creates these ‘shoppers’ to send them out into the world simply to piss me off. Well, one day, man – I’ll find you, and you better be ready! Or (solution-oriented moment – just briefly) perhaps a roster could be organised? Only people whose names start with A can shop on Dec 1, B on Dec 2 and so on. Better idea? Perhaps. Oh, and bogans – well bogans spend all year hanging around downtown … surely they can be banned for the month of December? Just sayin …
Normally I’m a very decisive person (Ahem! Cough, cough …) Alright, I’m not. But really, asking me to go out and choose amazing or even mildly appropriate gifts for people at the end of the working year when my brain is completely made of mush … well, you’re just asking for crap, alright. All the good ideas come mid to late January – yep, too late, too bad.
6. Shopping with kids.
Well, really it just amps up all the other Christmas shopping grievances, doesn’t it? If they’re not picking out presents for themselves, they’re disappearing into another galaxy or getting under your feet – or they keep touching stuff that you instantly envisage smashing and then proceeding to break a whole lot more stuff on the way down (further adding to plummeting bank balance when you can’t get out of the store fast enough and you have to pay for it all. Lose lose situation here – don’t bother.
7. Buying for others.
Why is it, at this time of the year, you see SO much stuff for yourself? Yes I might take up snow-skiing, hmm I need some more books (no, don’t have enough already), ooh new clothes!!!! Really, it’s just plain cruel. Especially when I finally have some time and feel like I deserve a little pampering after a busy year ….
8. Christmas Music.
No, there is nothing jolly or uplifting about it. Cheesy carols – no, just no! It’s crap, it’s irritating and repetitive (hell, they all sound the same to me). If you want me to be a happy little shopper, can I suggest Pearl Jam – live would be great, thanks ;)
9. Prams, trolleys and intrusive store displays of useless crap.
Downtown in December is just no place for prams. At all. Let alone ones with screaming babies in them – go home! Trolleys should be delisted – if you can’t carry it, you can’t buy it. Simple as that. And yes, those special displays of especially festive rubbish that multiply at this time of the year – get rid of them, for the love of God!!! No, I will not be held responsible for any that might ‘accidentally’ topple over while I am in the vicinity. (There’s an idea – if we all band together and get the trend happening, maybe they’ll get the hint?)
Nothing to say – let’s face it, the place needs no words …
Well, that’s it, I limited it to ten. Next year, I’m going to do all my shopping online, in the month of August … Happy Christmas everyone!!!!